


fragmentation of the universe

by castielanderson



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Depression, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8824921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielanderson/pseuds/castielanderson
Summary: Your average collection of tumblr prompts.  At least so far, I've wheedled them into my own internal view of canon.  Billy is always dealing with depression, Loki is always genderfluid, and Kate is always bi.





	1. billy/teddy: why are you wearing that?

He didn’t really anticipate any problems going back to school.  He took it upon himself to do assignments while they were away, and he might have to attend some summer courses to make up labs, etc., but that doesn’t faze him.  Billy’s always been a good student, and he knows that he can handle what he’s missed.

What he doesn’t even consider is what gets him.

Billy hasn’t exactly ever been the most popular kid in school - even when kids found out he was the Young Avenger, Wiccan.  They’d kind of been too scarred by the Kessler incident, and then Billy was forever known as the almost-murderer.  Kessler’s long gone, but his cronies have stayed, and when Billy returns to school they’ve rallied around someone new named  Keith Garrison, and Billy doesn’t stand a chance.

His second day back, they corner him, and since Billy has vowed to never use magic to hurt anyone without powers again, well he’s fucked.  He tries using combat skills and brute strength, but these kids are bigger than _Teddy_ , and they have him in a headlock in no time.  He kicks and punches and struggles, but there’s not much he can do once they start kicking him in the stomach.  Then he just takes it, focusing all his efforts on trying to breathe even though it feels impossible.  Once they finish with that, they give him a couple of right hooks as a parting gift.  His nose bleeds, his eye swells,  his lip splits, and then he’s left heaving on the pavement.

Billy limps home, wishing desperately that he could master some sort of healing spell in the next fifteen minutes before Teddy walks through the door.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen.  Instead, Billy panics and wraps himself in his cape, pulling his hood up over his head as he sits in his room, cuddled up and reading a book.  He hears the front door open and tries to act cool.  He knows Teddy will be up in his room in roughly thirty-nine seconds, and he has to be calm, has to make this seem utterly natural.

“Hey, Billy - um - why are you wearing that?”

Billy looks up at him, flashing his eyes blue.  He shrugs.  “It’s comfortable.”

Teddy inches into the room, closing the door carefully behind him.  Uncertain, he slides into bed next to Billy.  He frowns, reaching up and pushing the hood of Billy’s cape back.  Billy doesn’t have the heart to stop him, but he does feel a rush of anxiety when his face hits the light.

Teddy sucks in a breath, eyes going wide.  “Billy - ”

“Is it that bad?” Billy asks.

Teddy just stares at him with the utmost sympathy. “Oh, Billy - oh, god.  Who did this to you?"  His fingers tread carefully over Billy’s face, feeling over the bruises and cuts and hardened blood.

Billy winces before answering.  "Some new kid at school.”

“What’s his name?” Teddy asks, cocking his head as he examines Billy’s eye.  “Am I allowed to kill him?”

“No,” Billy says immediately, pushing Teddy’s hand away.  “And that’s - don’t joke about that, Teddy.  The reason those guys beat me up was because I almost killed one of their own.”

“Billy, that was years ago,” Teddy says, shaking his head.

“And they’re not likely to forget it,” Billy says sadly.  “They left me alone for awhile, but after Kessler left, one of them just went into a rage, and of course - of course I would never use magic against them again, and - well, the point is - they know they can touch me now.”

Teddy sighs heavily, looking at his boyfriend with saddened eyes.

“Billy, how long has this been going on?”

“Well,” Billy says, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Keith Garrison only introduced himself to me today, and before that - well, we were on the run.”

“Billy - ”

“I mean, they took turns for awhile,” Billy continues.  “Once they felt safe, it was like - at least weekly, usually every other day, sometimes every day - but not usually this bad.  They would just - give me a shove in the hall, or leave notes telling me to kill myself (with magic, preferably) in my locker.  It wasn’t - it wasn’t huge a deal.”

Teddy gapes.  “Billy, that’s - that’s awful."  His eyes turn glassy, and in an instant, the tears are falling down his face.

"They weren’t - ultimately, they - ” Billy breaks off, heaving a breath.  “They weren’t the reason I tried anything, Teddy.  That - that was mostly internal stuff.  Usually, I let their dumb bullshit slide off my back.”

“Still,” Teddy says, sniffling as he grabs Billy’s hand.  “I’d feel better if you told someone what was going on.”

Billy shakes his head.  “No - no. I can handle it, Teddy.”

“Billy,” Teddy says firmly.  “You need to tell someone.  You don’t deserve some shitty-ass kids derailing your success.”

Billy sighs.  “Teddy, I just told you that they don’t faze me - ”

“I don’t care what you said, Kaplan,” Teddy says authoritatively.  “I know that you’re lying to me, and to yourself, because if you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t have tried to conceal everything.  You wouldn’t have even thought twice about it.”

Billy huffs loudly, leaning back onto his pillows.  “Teddy, I don’t - who would I even tell?  We go to public school in New York City - principals can’t do shit.”

“Tell your parents.”

“Hell, no,” Billy says seriously.  “Teddy, I already go to therapy twice a week, do you want my mom to put me in a mental institution?”

Teddy shrugs.  “Well, I mean - I did awhile ago, and if it helped. - ”

Billy rolls his eyes.  “I’ll tell my therapist, okay?  We talk a lot about things like that, and he helps me deal with it.  There.  Will that make you feel better?”

Teddy sighs.  “I guess so.  As long as you aren’t bottling everything up.”

Billy smiles, pulling himself up.  He leans forward and kisses Teddy on the forehead. 

“I’m gonna be alright, Tee.”

Teddy smiles sadly, looking up at him.  “I hope so.”

“Now,” Billy says, laying down again.  “Will you get me an ice pack and some Advil because I think I’m dying.”

Teddy huffs a laugh.  “Ever the drama queen."  He gets up anyway, running his fingers across Billy’s forehead.  Billy closes his eyes at the touch, smiling and thinking to himself that maybe his boyfriend babying him is worth the suffering.


	2. billy/loki: things you said when you were scared

“Billy?  Billy, please?”  Loki knocks on the door for what must be the 27th time, but he’s not counting, and sighs when no reply comes.  He leans his forehead against the wood and groans.  “Billy, you know I didn’t mean it.  I just - I was scared, and - and - and there’s no excuse, I know.”

He exhales slowly.  It was stupid.  It was a stupid fucking fight, but it wasn’t stupid at all, because this is who they are - two drastically different mentally ill wizards who can’t get a fucking grip.  They’re both closed off, but Billy’s more self-destructive, and Loki’s just destructive in general, so it really doesn’t help either of them when they’re both trying to destruct at the same time, especially when Billy’s therapist cancels on him last minute when he’s had a really rough week and Loki isn’t feeling too hot either.

“Billy?” Loki tries again.  “Please answer me, or I’m going to start getting inconsiderate again really fast.  You know I hate it when you lock yourself in there.  With the razors and the pills, and - and the - “

The door opens and Loki almost falls flat on his face. 

“You’re not helping yourself,” Billy tells him, but there’s no anger left in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” Loki says again.  It’s the fourteenth time, but he’s not counting.  “I didn’t mean it, Billy, I promise.”

Billy heaves a deep breath.  “That’s the problem, Loke.  You don’t mean it, but you say it anyway.  That kind of shit sits with me.  I can’t just forget it.”

“I - I know,” Loki says, sheepish.  He takes a step back, let’s Billy have some space.  His therapist told him that that’s part of the problem. He pushes too hard, too far, and that’s not good for Billy, not when he’s already on the edge all the time.  Sometimes Loki just has to let go.  “I love you, Billy.”

That cracks him.  Billy lets his mouth upturn just the slightest.  “I love you too, Loki, but - “

“But I was out of line,” Loki sighs.

Billy nods.  “You don’t like when I put pressure on you - “

“And I shouldn’t have put pressure on you.  It’s not fair.  I know you already blame yourself.  I know you feel bad that I was the one who intervened, but - but you know I don’t regret it.  Not one bit.  I’ll save you a million times over, Billy Kaplan, and if I can’t, I’ll make damn sure someone else is there to do it.”

Billy’s lips tremble, and he gives a watery smile.  “I love you,” he says, quiet, before pulling Loki in for a slow, sweet kiss.


	3. noh/tommy friendship: it's not your fault

Everyone is in medical (which is really just David with a fancy first aid kit) except Tommy.  Tommy’s in the cockpit of the ship, head in his hands and breath coming fast.  All he can think about is slipping up.   _Faster, faster._  He should have gotten there in time, then Kate and Billy wouldn’t be hurt.   _Come on, Shepherd, faster_.  He wasn’t fast enough.

“It’s just a couple broken ribs,” Kate had said lightly.  “I’ve had worse when I’m with Clint.”

Billy had just smiled as David cleaned out the gash in his side.  “I’m good.  As soon as my energy’s up, I can heal myself.  Don’t worry about it, Tommy.”

But Tommy still can’t breathe when someone steps inside the pit behind him.  He throws himself upward, looking in the windshield to see Noh-varr’s reflection.

“Is - is everyone okay?” he stutters around a hiccup, and fuck, he hopes Noh can’t tell he’s been crying.  “Are we leaving?”

“Not yet,” Noh says.  “I only came here to check on you.”

Tommy’s only really known Noh for a couple of months.  He was reluctant to join the team, especially while Kate had been off in Los Angeles on her own.  He’s always had his own ideas of heroism, and while he’s missed his brother and his friends, fighting crime with them isn’t always his idea of fun.  He works better alone.  Today has only been further proof.

As for Noh - Tommy’s not really sure what brought him to this team other than Kate.  Maybe he feels like he has to pay penance for what happened during the war, but everyone knows who had truly been responsible.  Noh’s nice enough, and he’s fun.  He even invited Tommy to a Black Keys concert once, but Tommy had politely declined when he found out Kate was going too.  Noh has no hard feelings about whatever the relationship between Tommy and Kate is, but Tommy really doesn’t want to complicate things, especially if they’re all going to work together.

Still, Noh’s never really gone out of his way to be Tommy’s friend, and the concern currently in Noh’s eyes is really throwing him off.

“I’m - I’m fine,” he mutters.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Noh says anyway.  “We all make mistakes.”

“Not me,” Tommy insists, the anger at himself flaring up again.  “I’m supposed to be the guy everyone can count on.  I can outrun bullets.  I’m - I’m supposed to protect everyone.”

Noh-varr sighs and takes the seat next to him.  “Tommy, if we couldn’t protect ourselves, we wouldn’t be here.  And trust me, if Kate found out you were talking like her as if she were a damsel in distress, she’d kick your ass.”

Tommy can’t help but smile a little at that.  “You’re right.  Billy would too.  He hates when I act like the big brother.”

“See?” Noh says, and he nudges Tommy on the shoulder.

“I just can’t help but feel responsible.”

It goes quiet for again.  Noh bites his lip and chews on it before he starts speaking again, carefully.  “Tommy, I haven’t been on this team as long as you have, but I’ve been in a lot of warfare.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this - you can’t let the little mistakes get to you, or the big ones will kill you.”

Tommy rubs his fingers roughly over his mouth.  “I know, I know - I just - “

“Don’t worry,” Noh says,  “It’s not going to change right away, just - just remember that I’m here, Tommy, and I know what it’s like to make mistakes that you deeply, deeply regret.  You are more than welcome to talk to me whenever you need.”

Tommy nods, averting Noh’s gaze.  He just feels stupid now for ragging on himself so hard.  He knows that Noh is sincere about everything, but it seems Tommy will always need a reason to be hating himself.

“Thank you, Noh.”

“Of course,” Noh replies.  He stands up slowly.  “I’m - I’m going to go check on your brother and Kate.  Take it easy.”

Tommy watches him go, and the tightness in his chest loosens a little.


	4. billy/loki: things you said under the stars

“Where did you even find this place?” Billy asks.  He’s curled on his side, head on Loki’s chest.  His breath smells of alcohol, but Loki doesn’t care.

“I can see a lot of places from Asgardia,” Loki replies.  “This was always my favorite.”

Billy sighs and uncurls himself.  “It’s so - beautiful,” he manages, interrupted by a hiccup.

Loki laughs to himself.  “I want to be really cheesy right now, but I can’t.”

“What?” Billy asks, and Loki can’t tell if he’s serious or just being an asshole.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Loki whines.

“Say what?” Billy asks with a smirk, and yup, he’s just being an asshole.

Loki rolls his eyes.  “This place isn’t the only thing that’s beautiful,” Loki says, as mockingly as possible.

“No, you are too,” Billy replies.

Loki gags and mimes vomiting.  “You’re disgusting, Kaplan.”

“And you love it.”

Loki sighs again, and snakes his arm around Billy’s waist.  “I do love it, Gods help me.”  A minute or so of silence passes, and then Loki asks, “Did you enjoy the evening?”

Billy hums.  “I did actually.  It’s - it’s been a long time since I drank for fun.  And a long time since it actually made me feel good instead even worse.”

Loki turns his head carefully and plants a soft kiss on Billy’s forehead.  “I’m glad.”

“I don’t think I thank you enough,” Billy all but whispers.

“For what?” Loki asks.

Billy shrugs.  “For just being there.  I know i have to take care of myself by myself, but I feel so much better with you.”

Loki swallows, his throat suddenly tight.  He blinks against the burn in his eyes, and blames it on the starlight.  “Me too, Billy, me too.”


	5. america/kate: is there a reason you're naked in my bed?

Kate has just suffered through another week of Clint’s bullshit (this weeks roster included: an alien mob, reanimated animal corpses, and a false alarm courtesy of Deadpool), but now that it’s Friday and she has ordered herself to take the weekend off, she is incredibly excited to go back to her apartment and sleep for eighteen hours.

That dream is soon crushed when she finds her apartment door unlocked.

“Futz,” she mutters under her breath before stringing her quiver back on and latching an arrow in her bow.  She turns the door knob lightly before kicking it open.  Arrow at the ready, she moves through her apartment with stealth.

The main space appears empty, but she checks around the other side of her bookshelf, behind the breakfast bar, and in the pantry.  Nothing.  Still soft on her feet, she moves into the hallway.  The bathroom door is closed and she kicks it open just like the front door.  Her shower curtain is open, and no one is in sight.

Her linen closet is too shallow to hold a person, so she moves to her bedroom.   The door is just barely opened, lock unlatched, and a tiny sliver of light creeping through.  She listens for a moment, and hears no one moving around.  Heart jumping in her throat, kicks this door open and aims her bow straight at the person lying in her bed.

Once she realizes who it is, she throws her bow aside.

“America, what the hell?  You scared the shit out of me!”

It takes her at least a minute to realize, and then the blush takes over her whole body.

“Um … America - is - is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

America just smiles and uncrosses her legs, pulling them back so Kate gets a fresh view of her vagina.  It’s already red, clearly aching for Kate.  “You told me you had the weekend off.  Figured I could help you relax a little, princess.”

Kate bites her lip.

“Get out of that bodysuit and get over here,” America orders.

“Yes, ma’am,” Kate replies and drops her quiver to the floor.


	6. billy/loki: i'm here, i'm right here

Billy has nightmares; it’s a given.  He started having them when he was thirteen, when his depression kicked in and he couldn’t escape the feeling that he was living through hell.  He couldn’t even find solace in dreams.  They worsened after he found his mother, and after The Mother, they just don’t stop.

He’s been doing better recently, or so he likes to think.

It had been a pretty good day.  He’s finally getting out and doing things again.  Moving out was a hard decision, and it came a little too fast.  His parents have been supporting him, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been crippled by stress.  He’s taking things slower now, building himself back up with care.

Today he went down to the community college and looked at their class list.  He hasn’t made any decisions yet, but it felt good to think about the prospect of his future with nothing less than hope.  He doesn’t really know what he wants as a career; being a superhero always seemed so permanent.  Not anymore, but he’s surprisingly becoming okay with that.

Dinner was good.  He didn’t have to cook because Loki brought home takeout from his favorite Thai place.  He’d been craving it  for the past couple of days, and his stomach was more than pleased.

He was content, he was ready to sleep, and he felt safe when he slipped into bed next to Loki and kissed him goodnight.  He was going to get to sleep in and wake during the hustle and bustle of the morning, birds singing at his windowsill, sunlight gentle as it leaked through the curtains.

Except that doesn’t happen.

Instead, Billy wakes in a cold sweat at around three in the morning, choking on his lungs.  Loki’s up in an instant, arms around Billy as he shakes uncontrollably, caught on the edge of sobs.

“Billy?” he asks.  “Billy, are you okay?”

Billy swallows hard and nods.  He opens his mouth to affirm this, but no sound comes out.  So he just lays his head on Loki’s shoulder and lets himself cry just a little.

“I’m here, I’m right here,” Loki promises.

They stay in that position until Billy can breathe again, and he slowly, slowly, wriggles himself free from being tucked under Loki’s chin.  He looks his boyfriend in the eyes.  They’re worried and wide, eyebrows knitted together.

“I’m sorry,” Billy groans.

“You don’t have to be,” Loki assures.  “We can’t control nightmares.”

“I know - I just - I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Loki shakes his head.  “I don’t care, Billy.  You know that.  Besides, it’s way easier for me to fall back asleep than you.”

Billy sighs.

“I dreamt that I came home and you were gone,” he whispers.  “Your stuff was still here, but you were gone - like gone gone.”

Loki wraps his arms back around Billy and gives his shoulder a squeeze.  “I would never do that to you.”

Billy’s lips tremble, because more is coming.  “I dreamt that they found your body in the street, broken.  You’d jumped from the top of the apartment building.”

Loki hugs him again without word, his arms as tight as they’ve been yet.  Billy wants to cry again, but he’s too tired so he just bury’s his face in Loki’s t-shirt and breathes him in.

“I’m still here, Billy,” Loki says, then pulls away so he can look Billy in the eyes.  “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”

“Always?” Billy asks.

“Always,” Loki confirms.

He gives Billy one last squeeze and the lay back down in the sheets together.  Oddly enough, Billy’s the first to fall back asleep.


	7. billy/teddy: is your seatbelt on?

Billy’s been staring at the same spot for several minutes now.  There’s a small knick in the seat in front of him, and he traces the way the light changes over the shape in terrain.  His brain dares him to move his eyes, but his body is too tired.

He’s breathless.  He hasn’t warn his cape in so long and it feels like it’s choking him.  He doesn’t move.

“Is your seatbelt on?”

The words take a second to register.  Billy glances up, sees Teddy, then looks down, trying to find a seatbelt.

“There aren’t any?”

“Billy,” Teddy says, and his voice is serious.  “I’m messing with you.”  He gives a half a smile, but Billy is still lost.  “Hey, are you okay, Bee?”

Any thought that enters his mind gets short-circuited.   His emotions feel distant.  Mostly, he’s just empty.

“Yeah,” he says anyway, though he avoids making eye contact.  “I’m fine.”

Teddy crouches down, lowering himself so that he’s eye-level with Billy.  His fingers swipe across Billy’s cheek, followed by his hand resting firmly at the side of Billy’s face and neck.

“You look exhausted, Bee.”

He just nods.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

Billy doesn’t know what time it is in this dimension, and Noh’s ship was never set to Earth time.  But he’s tired.  He’s so fucking tired.

“Yeah,” he says.

Although, he doesn’t know this is the type of tired a good night’s sleep can fix.


End file.
